Quality Time

Talking through the many translations of "quality time"...!!!

These are more than just “two words” that seem to have a nice ring to them! This is something that B and I talk about often. One of my love languages is “quality time”...but the reason we wanted to write about this tonight is to talk about the different ways we each translate this! 

Brandon sees quality time as any time we’re together. For instance, if we have 10 friends over to have a “Scrabble tournament” and spend a fun evening with games & fellowship, at the end of the night...his quality time tank is full. At the end of that same night, I had a wonderful time with the games, friends, & fellowship...but I am then looking forward to at least five minutes or so of one-on-one time with Brandon. I see quality time as time when we are face-to-face, he has my undivided attention and I have his...and he is asking me about my day or talking about something intentional. 

This past week, we got to spend some great quality time together during our babymoon. We had great time in the car on the way there and back, plus great time together clocking 21+ hours together on the beach. It was a blessing to run into some of our friends at the same beach where we were and get to have some great time spent with them as well. It was quite hilarious when we were sitting out on the beach bonding with this other couple (that we knew from Nashville but had not had the opportunity to hear each other’s stories, etc before now) and something came up about how he sees quality time vs. how she sees quality time! 

After we heard how he view it vs. how she views it...the guys were everything but high fiving each other (!!) because the (obviously) saw it the same way...and she and I were t-totally on the same page as well. Refreshing to say the least. Sometimes in those moments where Brandon and I are talking this through, I often wonder if I’m just crazy or something to think of quality time as the TWO of us...not the two of us within a crowd or in the same state! And by state, I literally mean that it has been said before that Brandon feels like we’re together when we’re both spending the day in Alabama...even when he’s driving all over creation and I’m at work!

All in all, it was neat to talk through this with another couple who had recently talked about the very same thing we had...and share different insights with each other. Whenever we do have these conversations, I must say that it’s cool to see Brandon initiate some one-on-one quality time with me...it means the world! And like I mentioned at the start, it doesn’t even have to be long...even five minutes sometimes of “how was your day, babe” is all that it takes! Thankful that God has given us mouths and ears to talk these things through and listen to where the other is coming from. Enjoying the journey of growing together as we talk through the different ways we often “translate” what seems to be the same thing. It’s something to think about if you’re spouse’s love language is quality time. I highly suggest making sure you are both talking about the same TYPE of quality time...ha! 

Two Hands

This past Tuesday night was our "birth class" and needless to say...it was AWESOME. The main focus of this class was "comfort measures" so that we could talk through the different stages of labor and certain massage techniques and positions to be in to relax the body. All that to say, one of the things that really stood out to us was when the teacher had the husbands stand behind the wives and put "two hands" on us. She mentioned that putting two hands (not just one) would let us know that we are ALL THERE and that their attention is fully on us in that moment -- no distractions. There were some relaxation techniques she taught us after this that were fabulous -- then she had us get into certain positions to see what felt most comfortable to us. She encouraged us to practice these so that when we're "in the moment", our body will recognize these and feel peaceful.

 

One of the relaxing positions we practiced!

The reason I wanted to share those details with you is to say this...early this morning, Brandon and I were on the phone and he said, "Babe, I wanted you to know I have been praying for you this morning...a LOT. You know in our class this week when the teacher told me to put two hands on you -- and how that will help you know that I'm all there? I've been thinking a lot about that and asking the Lord this morning to have his hands on you -- that you will know He is right there with you." WOW! I could have cried a river the moment he said this. There is something so special and encouraging to know that my dear husband is interceding on my behalf and going before the throne of the Lord about such things. Thanks be to God! 

I wanted to share this sweet marriage moment with you to say what a blessing it is for me to know that Brandon is praying for me -- and even how special it is when he shares that with me. Maybe you pray for your spouse throughout the day, but have you shared that with them lately? Just a thought - but finding a way to share that with them would be such a blessing. 

Have You Had A Squabble With Your Spouse Lately?

[Brandon speaking] ... How did it turn out? Still holding a grudge? I call these...squabble moments! And they most definitely are marriage moments! 

As married people, we are going to have squabbles with our spouse. When they do come up, and inevitably they will, what do we do to make sure that a squabble doesn’t turn into a bigger deal...a major disagreement/argument?

We had one of these come up the other day over something silly. In our car, it was late Friday afternoon around 6:00pm...driving to Nashville for a friends’ wedding weekend. One thing led to another and somebody said something and we disagreed. So...it’s at that moment of disagreement that what we choose to do as a couple (or you individually choose as a spouse) determines what the rest of the night is going to look like!

Now, what are we up against? For me as a guy...it’s Friday...it’s the end of the week...it’s been a long hard working week...I’m drained, I’m tired...I like to tell Whit when I’m in these situations that I’m “emotionally fragile”...be very careful...I’m not myself...I’m extra selfish right now. And then a disagreement comes along and sets me off. And Whit thankfully -- understands where I am coming from and how the stage was set for all this to play out -- and gives me an extra helping of grace.  In this moment last Friday, I told Whit, “I just need some time to think” (and I went quiet)...I just need some time...to let things simmer and cool down. And with us, the goal is not to win an argument. We’re going to make our point...but it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about being known. 

Sometimes the scene seems to be set and things primed for this kind of disagreement to be set. It seems that stepping back and gathering my thoughts -- gives me time to calm down, then talk it through...address what went on with tenderness, gentleness, and self-control. It doesn’t make it right when the other person hurts you or says something because they can’t control their tongue -- definitely have to still be accountable for that -- but knowing the bigger situation is half the battle. If you’re the spouse on the receiving end of all this, being graceful and quick to forgive is such a blessing. 

Enjoying the journey!

[Whitney speaking] ... Here’s the deal...I didn’t use to be able to shake these conversations very quickly. I would hold onto them and analyze them to the core and go back to how we even got here and make sure we had the right kind of closure (times a million)...but now I have learned that it’s not worth it to let these little “squabbles” ruin our night. For us, this all got going when we were having a pleasant drive down the road and then low and behold...something came up about how we have a birth class on the night of one of Brandon’s upcoming baseball games. My thought was, “what’s the big deal...you have a ton of games this season”...his take was that this is the second game of the season (he’s already missing game number three) and didn’t want to have to miss the first two out of three games -- after waiting with great anticipation for the season to start. Again, we saw this from two different set of lenses...and I’m sure it doesn’t even sound like that big of a deal to you (!!) but in that moment, it seemed like a big deal. One of the main “take homes” from this night was that all in all...the stage was set (end of long hard working week, tired, in the car driving, etc) for a seemingly small thing to ruffle the feathers. Half of the reason this seemed like such a big deal was the timing and all that this “scheduling faux pas” came up. That was part of my frustration -- because I am such a planner. My thought was, if only I had seen a copy of the baseball schedule...we could have planned our birth class around this. However, in that moment you can’t go back. We could only look at moving forward, talking this through, and then putting this behind us and not letting it put a damper on our evening. And so...that’s just what we did! We had a wonderful rest of the evening and quite a delightful weekend with friends and family. 

We found this quote by Ruth Bell Graham (Billy Graham’s wife) and wanted to share it with you. Felt like this spoke to right where we had been: 

“I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain. The same goes for the man who expects too much from his wife.” (Ruth Bell Graham)

God Is So Good!

Whoo! Hard to believe it's already MAY!!! Time flies when you're having fun :) The past month flew by and was more of the "business of life" items like taxes and moving...now it's on to the fun gatherings like weddings, baby showers, and so forth! If you were to come visit our apartment right now -- you wouldn't even believe that we just moved. Everything is in it's "spot" (thanks to an amazing strong hubby & leader who was a champ moving AND to our amazing friends & family that were here at just the right time) and we absolutely love having a room for NELSON! It makes having a baby on-the-way all the more real when we walk by his room and know that it's soon going to be filled with baby items...and in three short months, with our precious SON! 

Speaking of which, we wanted to share with you his full name. For those of you that read our "It's A Boy" post, you will recall that his first name is Nelson! We have been praying over his middle name and are excited to announce that his full name is "Nelson Caleb Nall". We have both loved the name Caleb and wanted his middle name to be a Biblical name...and when we found out it meant "faithful"...that is what sealed the deal for us! As you may remember us mentioning before, the theme of this entire pregnancy has been the Lord reminding us to "walk by faith"...so the name Nelson Caleb Nall is very fitting! 

A precious text we received from a close friend when sharing the full name was so encouraging and such a blessing to us...that we wanted to share it with you: "Caleb was a mighty warrior, honest, a loyal friend, and Godly man. That's my prayer for your little man, too!" AMEN! A huge thank you to each and every one of you that has been praying and will continue to pray for us through this pregnancy, during Nelson's birth, and as he grows up to be a man who loves the Lord. We cannot thank you enough! May the following verse be the theme of our song as we enter into this new month and experience the fullness of God in abundant ways: "Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see - how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him." -Psalm 24:8 (The Message) ... Thankful for YOU!