Two Hands

This past Tuesday night was our "birth class" and needless to say...it was AWESOME. The main focus of this class was "comfort measures" so that we could talk through the different stages of labor and certain massage techniques and positions to be in to relax the body. All that to say, one of the things that really stood out to us was when the teacher had the husbands stand behind the wives and put "two hands" on us. She mentioned that putting two hands (not just one) would let us know that we are ALL THERE and that their attention is fully on us in that moment -- no distractions. There were some relaxation techniques she taught us after this that were fabulous -- then she had us get into certain positions to see what felt most comfortable to us. She encouraged us to practice these so that when we're "in the moment", our body will recognize these and feel peaceful.

 

One of the relaxing positions we practiced!

The reason I wanted to share those details with you is to say this...early this morning, Brandon and I were on the phone and he said, "Babe, I wanted you to know I have been praying for you this morning...a LOT. You know in our class this week when the teacher told me to put two hands on you -- and how that will help you know that I'm all there? I've been thinking a lot about that and asking the Lord this morning to have his hands on you -- that you will know He is right there with you." WOW! I could have cried a river the moment he said this. There is something so special and encouraging to know that my dear husband is interceding on my behalf and going before the throne of the Lord about such things. Thanks be to God! 

I wanted to share this sweet marriage moment with you to say what a blessing it is for me to know that Brandon is praying for me -- and even how special it is when he shares that with me. Maybe you pray for your spouse throughout the day, but have you shared that with them lately? Just a thought - but finding a way to share that with them would be such a blessing. 

Have You Had A Squabble With Your Spouse Lately?

[Brandon speaking] ... How did it turn out? Still holding a grudge? I call these...squabble moments! And they most definitely are marriage moments! 

As married people, we are going to have squabbles with our spouse. When they do come up, and inevitably they will, what do we do to make sure that a squabble doesn’t turn into a bigger deal...a major disagreement/argument?

We had one of these come up the other day over something silly. In our car, it was late Friday afternoon around 6:00pm...driving to Nashville for a friends’ wedding weekend. One thing led to another and somebody said something and we disagreed. So...it’s at that moment of disagreement that what we choose to do as a couple (or you individually choose as a spouse) determines what the rest of the night is going to look like!

Now, what are we up against? For me as a guy...it’s Friday...it’s the end of the week...it’s been a long hard working week...I’m drained, I’m tired...I like to tell Whit when I’m in these situations that I’m “emotionally fragile”...be very careful...I’m not myself...I’m extra selfish right now. And then a disagreement comes along and sets me off. And Whit thankfully -- understands where I am coming from and how the stage was set for all this to play out -- and gives me an extra helping of grace.  In this moment last Friday, I told Whit, “I just need some time to think” (and I went quiet)...I just need some time...to let things simmer and cool down. And with us, the goal is not to win an argument. We’re going to make our point...but it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about being known. 

Sometimes the scene seems to be set and things primed for this kind of disagreement to be set. It seems that stepping back and gathering my thoughts -- gives me time to calm down, then talk it through...address what went on with tenderness, gentleness, and self-control. It doesn’t make it right when the other person hurts you or says something because they can’t control their tongue -- definitely have to still be accountable for that -- but knowing the bigger situation is half the battle. If you’re the spouse on the receiving end of all this, being graceful and quick to forgive is such a blessing. 

Enjoying the journey!

[Whitney speaking] ... Here’s the deal...I didn’t use to be able to shake these conversations very quickly. I would hold onto them and analyze them to the core and go back to how we even got here and make sure we had the right kind of closure (times a million)...but now I have learned that it’s not worth it to let these little “squabbles” ruin our night. For us, this all got going when we were having a pleasant drive down the road and then low and behold...something came up about how we have a birth class on the night of one of Brandon’s upcoming baseball games. My thought was, “what’s the big deal...you have a ton of games this season”...his take was that this is the second game of the season (he’s already missing game number three) and didn’t want to have to miss the first two out of three games -- after waiting with great anticipation for the season to start. Again, we saw this from two different set of lenses...and I’m sure it doesn’t even sound like that big of a deal to you (!!) but in that moment, it seemed like a big deal. One of the main “take homes” from this night was that all in all...the stage was set (end of long hard working week, tired, in the car driving, etc) for a seemingly small thing to ruffle the feathers. Half of the reason this seemed like such a big deal was the timing and all that this “scheduling faux pas” came up. That was part of my frustration -- because I am such a planner. My thought was, if only I had seen a copy of the baseball schedule...we could have planned our birth class around this. However, in that moment you can’t go back. We could only look at moving forward, talking this through, and then putting this behind us and not letting it put a damper on our evening. And so...that’s just what we did! We had a wonderful rest of the evening and quite a delightful weekend with friends and family. 

We found this quote by Ruth Bell Graham (Billy Graham’s wife) and wanted to share it with you. Felt like this spoke to right where we had been: 

“I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain. The same goes for the man who expects too much from his wife.” (Ruth Bell Graham)

Priorities, Love Languages, & Pregnant Mamas

One afternoon when I got home from work, it was all I could do to muster up the energy to unpack our bags from being out of town this past weekend...get the laundry started...clean the dishes in the sink...load the dishwasher...straighten up the house...and get some order around this place! In the past, I could not have let it go for this many days...but now times are a changin! 


When B got home from work, I was taking a rest and finally finding a moment to put my feet up. Then comes the moment that we're both thinking: "What's for dinner?" I, too, am at the place where I love eating at the house more than eating out...though it is easier at times to just pick something up instead of having to cook. B stepped up and through together something for us to eat. And hey, I was just thrilled that my brain had kicked in earlier and thought to grab the grass fed beef from the freezer and start thawing it out so that we could have some yummy burgers. 


The marriage moment came in when we were putting the final touches on dinner and talking about how the priority needs to be having FOOD ready for dinner and not worrying so much about the other items: ie, unpacking, laundry, dirty dishes, and so forth. I was explaining that there is a point to which I can handle things being a mess but then there comes a time where I function better when the house is in order. I'm sure a handful of you are chuckling under your breath as you read this thinking -- wait a few more months and then talk to me about your house being out of order -- especially once you have a baby! I'm already noticing different things throughout my days and weeks of the Lord preparing me for not having "all my ducks in a row" at all times and that being more than OK! I know we'll get into our new routine then as things ebb and flow into the new way of life as we know it. In the meantime, since my husband's love language seems to be readily prepared FOOD (aka: acts of service)...I'm going to try and refocus some of {any extra energy I can whip up} to have something ready for dinner and not so much on the other miscellaneous things. Thankfully we're a team and can support each other through these learning moments. And with that being said, if you have any recommendations for quick and easy dinners...I'm open to suggestions! 

God Is So Good!

Whoo! Hard to believe it's already MAY!!! Time flies when you're having fun :) The past month flew by and was more of the "business of life" items like taxes and moving...now it's on to the fun gatherings like weddings, baby showers, and so forth! If you were to come visit our apartment right now -- you wouldn't even believe that we just moved. Everything is in it's "spot" (thanks to an amazing strong hubby & leader who was a champ moving AND to our amazing friends & family that were here at just the right time) and we absolutely love having a room for NELSON! It makes having a baby on-the-way all the more real when we walk by his room and know that it's soon going to be filled with baby items...and in three short months, with our precious SON! 

Speaking of which, we wanted to share with you his full name. For those of you that read our "It's A Boy" post, you will recall that his first name is Nelson! We have been praying over his middle name and are excited to announce that his full name is "Nelson Caleb Nall". We have both loved the name Caleb and wanted his middle name to be a Biblical name...and when we found out it meant "faithful"...that is what sealed the deal for us! As you may remember us mentioning before, the theme of this entire pregnancy has been the Lord reminding us to "walk by faith"...so the name Nelson Caleb Nall is very fitting! 

A precious text we received from a close friend when sharing the full name was so encouraging and such a blessing to us...that we wanted to share it with you: "Caleb was a mighty warrior, honest, a loyal friend, and Godly man. That's my prayer for your little man, too!" AMEN! A huge thank you to each and every one of you that has been praying and will continue to pray for us through this pregnancy, during Nelson's birth, and as he grows up to be a man who loves the Lord. We cannot thank you enough! May the following verse be the theme of our song as we enter into this new month and experience the fullness of God in abundant ways: "Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see - how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him." -Psalm 24:8 (The Message) ... Thankful for YOU! 

PDA Is Good!

I'm sure this title caught your attention! First, to make sure we're on the same page, PDA is "public display of affection" and we're not talking about the middle schoolers that make out in the back of the movie theater! When Brandon mentioned that this would be a great post for the week, I wanted to make sure we clarified what kind of PDA we're talking about! We're specifically talking about those subtle moments that happen between a couple...holding hands, arms around the shoulder, a warm look into each other's eyes, a focused attention into what the other person is saying, a warm smile at just the right time, a pat on the back, a word of encouragement in mixed company, an uplifting statement about a positive attribute that describe the other person, letting the woman walk in front of the man (presenting her as Christ presents the church), opening the door, being tender, respectfully listening while the other is sharing, being courteous towards one another, laughing together, speaking highly of the other, playfully flirting (especially for married couples - display the vibrance of your marriage - don't make it seem like this old crusty, tolerable union), admiring one another in public. As you can see, the list goes on and on and there are SO many different types of PDA. Find what works best for you. We'll challenge you with this question: What's your favorite form of PDA?!!


This topic surfaced after B was at a baseball game one night this week and noted how sweet the husband was being to the wife. Sweet words of encouragement, pat on the knee, arms around her back, all in the midst of other people around them... It was refreshing for B to see this and he was encouraged that this friend of his was treating his wife so well, especially in mixed company. 


This reminded me of a time where we were at church and one of the couples (in their 40s) told me how they looked forward to Sundays at church because they got to sit by each other and put their arms around each other. This time in the week was something they looked forward to since they were in the midst of raising five kids who all still lived at home -- so finding a time to be side by side in an uninterrupted manner (like at church) was a rare occurrence. Speaking of the church thing, one of my good friends this week made a point to mention how encouraging it was to her (she's not married yet) to sit with us at church the other week and see B put his arm around me. It gave her encouragement that this was the way it was supposed to be -- not the inappropriate kind of over the top touching that some people get carried away with in public (!!) but something as simple as an arm around the other. That's always something I, too, love when B does! It just reminds me of his love for me - no matter where we may be or what the occasion is. 


Closing statement from the man of the house: "This is a topic I am very passionate about as you will be able to see with my pretty lengthy statement...so bear with me! When I think of public display of affection, I can't think of any better way to communicate the gospel through marriage - where the man represents Christ and the wife represents the church - than to be loving towards one another. If you're not in marriage because of that reason, you're missing the picture of what God intended it to be. The way we act towards one another speaks SO loudly to those who are watching - as it did to me in the particular instance mentioned above earlier this week. You never know who is watching. Our prayer for this blog is that there will be a true paradigm shift in the way society views marriage. For instance, that people will view marriage as a fine wine that gets better with time - not something where you just get older and learn to tolerate the other person somehow. 


As you probably saw through the lengthy list in the first paragraph, PDA also involves what we say AND how we say it to our partner. Keep this in mind...other people are listening and hear what you say to each other. One thing I want to draw attention to - and something that we battle is - being POSITIVE, not negative. Speak LIFE, not death. Be GENUINE, not sarcastic. Build each other UP in front of others, don't put the other down. Be consciously aware of what you're saying about your partner in front of other people and see to it that you are uplifting, encouraging, and drawing attention to the best attributes of your partner.  The simple theme of PDA that we're highlighting in this post is the gospel. We are calling you to live out the gospel IN your relationships - that is what this marriage moment is about. And for any of you who aren't married yet, if you're dating someone who is not willing to pursue this kind of love and affection towards you - then you are settling. Marriage to the person God has called you to team up with and live life together for HIS purposes is such a blessing -- don't settle."  

It's All In The Tone

It had been a great night. Both got in a workout, great dinner, wonderful quality time, and then... B was watching a movie and I was sitting next to him on the couch while writing a few letters. The next thing you know, he gets up to brush his teeth, then he comes back in the living room/dining room area and starts turning off some of the lights. Meanwhile, I was still back on the couch wrapping up a few letters and a few items on the computer. I say, "Babe, please turn that light back on." Now to you (the reader)...it probably doesn't sound like this story has taken a turn in the other direction...but I will give you the "behind the scenes" info...

The tone in which I said, "Babe, please turn that light back on" was a bit snappy! (eeek) ...B turned the light back on and then went in the other room and I asked him to come back... That's when I found out that he didn't like my tone and was just trying to set the mood for a relaxing rest of the evening to fall asleep to...meanwhile, I thought he was turning off all the lights and going in the other room and leaving me in the dark (ok, I'm being dramatic here...I knew he wouldn't leave me in the dark but with the main lights turned off and only a few left on, it felt enough like the dark!)...but his plan all along was to come back to the couch and finish up the movie. A little more background on all this is that we have had the "please don't turn the lights off on me" talk before. Sometimes I will be in the kitchen, finishing up with the dishes or something, and he'll come through and turn off the lights -- all the while, trying to get us to "wind down" for the evening and set the mood for a good sleep...aka: not have all the lights shining so bright, time to start reading, etc. 

Me being the communication major that I am will be the first to tell you that the non-verbal cue of the lights turning off when I'm in the middle of something -- rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather at least be given the heads up that the lights are about to be turned off!!! 

When this happened earlier this week, it was a great opportunity for me to ask for forgiveness for my snappy tone -- and for B to understand that it would be better next time to even say, "Hey babe, I'm going to start winding things down to get us ready for bed. Is it ok for me to turn this light off?" And that way I can know for one that he is aware I am still in the middle of something - and two, I am fine with a few of the lights being turned off - just not ALL of them! Again, it's all in the tone AND the delivery. We thank the Lord that we both have teachable spirits (!!) and can communicate where we were both coming from when this all went down. Hopefully this encourages you to watch it with the tone (and if you do happen to let a snappy one out) be quick to admit you were in the wrong, talk it through, and then...MOVE ON! 

Now I know this blog was started to be an outlet for us to be real with our "marriage moments"...but now that we have our first little one on the way, we know a lot of you are reading to hear an update on Nelson! He is doing great and we are growing more by the day! I feel wonderful and have had energy to keep up with my new prenatal workout DVD! Here's a photo of week 24! Thank you for the continued prayers!!!

Closing statement from the man of the house: "There is a specific way in which we say something. We all give "the tone" at times...I'm not saying that it's OK...but there is certainly a time for the tone (!!) and a time for no tone! I appreciated Whit admitting that she did use the tone - and then I really did understand where she was coming from that she had asked me before not to turn the lights off while she was in the middle of something and this time was a good reminder. Even if I am not turning off all the lights, even turning down the main ones (though it sets the mood of relaxation I'm going for) is not always the best thing for the other person."

Time To Take A Breather!

Our brains are fried as we have just completed our 2011 taxes. Talk about teamwork...whooooo! I'll tell ya one thing...I wouldn't want to do taxes with any other person!! Through prayer before we start and prayer as we close, the Lord certainly does get us through but it takes focus and determination. Since it does take a lot of energy out of us, we're going to stick to a short and simple post this week. 

Brandon has now entered his manly "cave time" (aka: sitting on the couch and no talking) and I am sitting here writing you as I feel precious Nelson kick. It's the sweetest feeling in the whole wide world to feel him with me throughout the day and night. Thank you, Lord, for this gift of LIFE! What a sweet reminder (in the midst of hard things like taxes) that YOU ARE GOOD and have entrusted us with this remarkable blessing. Here's a photo of Nelson and I growing right along at 23 weeks!