Wednesday, April 18, 2012

It's All In The Tone

It had been a great night. Both got in a workout, great dinner, wonderful quality time, and then... B was watching a movie and I was sitting next to him on the couch while writing a few letters. The next thing you know, he gets up to brush his teeth, then he comes back in the living room/dining room area and starts turning off some of the lights. Meanwhile, I was still back on the couch wrapping up a few letters and a few items on the computer. I say, "Babe, please turn that light back on." Now to you (the reader) probably doesn't sound like this story has taken a turn in the other direction...but I will give you the "behind the scenes" info...

The tone in which I said, "Babe, please turn that light back on" was a bit snappy! (eeek) ...B turned the light back on and then went in the other room and I asked him to come back... That's when I found out that he didn't like my tone and was just trying to set the mood for a relaxing rest of the evening to fall asleep to...meanwhile, I thought he was turning off all the lights and going in the other room and leaving me in the dark (ok, I'm being dramatic here...I knew he wouldn't leave me in the dark but with the main lights turned off and only a few left on, it felt enough like the dark!)...but his plan all along was to come back to the couch and finish up the movie. A little more background on all this is that we have had the "please don't turn the lights off on me" talk before. Sometimes I will be in the kitchen, finishing up with the dishes or something, and he'll come through and turn off the lights -- all the while, trying to get us to "wind down" for the evening and set the mood for a good sleep...aka: not have all the lights shining so bright, time to start reading, etc. 

Me being the communication major that I am will be the first to tell you that the non-verbal cue of the lights turning off when I'm in the middle of something -- rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather at least be given the heads up that the lights are about to be turned off!!! 

When this happened earlier this week, it was a great opportunity for me to ask for forgiveness for my snappy tone -- and for B to understand that it would be better next time to even say, "Hey babe, I'm going to start winding things down to get us ready for bed. Is it ok for me to turn this light off?" And that way I can know for one that he is aware I am still in the middle of something - and two, I am fine with a few of the lights being turned off - just not ALL of them! Again, it's all in the tone AND the delivery. We thank the Lord that we both have teachable spirits (!!) and can communicate where we were both coming from when this all went down. Hopefully this encourages you to watch it with the tone (and if you do happen to let a snappy one out) be quick to admit you were in the wrong, talk it through, and then...MOVE ON! 

Now I know this blog was started to be an outlet for us to be real with our "marriage moments"...but now that we have our first little one on the way, we know a lot of you are reading to hear an update on Nelson! He is doing great and we are growing more by the day! I feel wonderful and have had energy to keep up with my new prenatal workout DVD! Here's a photo of week 24! Thank you for the continued prayers!!!

Closing statement from the man of the house: "There is a specific way in which we say something. We all give "the tone" at times...I'm not saying that it's OK...but there is certainly a time for the tone (!!) and a time for no tone! I appreciated Whit admitting that she did use the tone - and then I really did understand where she was coming from that she had asked me before not to turn the lights off while she was in the middle of something and this time was a good reminder. Even if I am not turning off all the lights, even turning down the main ones (though it sets the mood of relaxation I'm going for) is not always the best thing for the other person."

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