This past Sunday was a marriage moment indeed. It had been really chilly on Saturday so when the warmth of Sunday rolled around - it was a picture perfect day for a walk in the park. We headed to church and as we were leaving, one of Brandon’s best guy friends in Nashville was sharing that he was going to take his girlfriend to the park that afternoon. On our drive home, I was genuinely thinking that Brandon was going to take the context clues of the 70 degree day, his friend speaking of the park, knowing I love the park and initiate a walk with me at the park.
|Me on the deck after church...soaking in some rays...waiting to be taken to the park!|
|Brandon in his full-fledged nest...This is how I found him after I finished up the dishes after lunch!|
In those moments of speaking up, as I am mid-sentence I often realize that I may be causing a mountain out of a mole hill at first - but it’s going to be worth it in the long run. The truth of the matter is that I WANT him to WANT to take me to the park. I want him to know that his wife loves being outside on beautiful days like this and that it would mean nothing more to me than for him to initiate an afternoon outing. Even if he would say, “Babe, after my nap, I would love to take you to the park”...!! That would mean so much! So...we spoke about the expectations that were involved, heard where each other were coming from, and were able to really get to the bottom of this. Brandon was able to admit that he’d selfishly rather sit on the couch. All in all, he was still focused on the fact that he’d worked a 60+ hour work week, had to work on Saturday, and finally was enjoying a day of rest. I was thinking about how we’d been at the house all of Saturday and how I work one minute from where we live and was ready to drive beyond the 2 mile radius of the weekly grocery store run. I wanted to be out and about on this gorgeous Nashville day, at the park with no one else but my man.
These talks are never easy but it’s always worth it on the other side to be honest and speak up. It’s better for it to be a bit of a rocky road for a minute to lead to lessons learned and not ending up in this same spot again. By me speaking up and sharing with Brandon where I was coming from, he now has wrapped his mind around how he WANTS to be better at initiating to do things that I really enjoy doing. And this was all a bit of a reality check for me that me WANTING Brandon to WANT to take me to the park - is like him WANTING me to WANT to go play golf with him. We’re wired differently...period!
Closing statement from the man of the house: “ The truth is that I don’t want to go take a walk in the park. I want to go play golf, get sweaty on the basketball court, dominate some guys, compete, and win at something! My default is to want these things but there is a part of me that truly wants to pursue my wife & take Whit for a walk in the park since this is something that means a lot to her. I learned through this that I want and need to be more proactive in communicating that I really do know her and the things she enjoys - and that I need to make it a top priority to let her see that I know those things about her.
In this marriage moment I learned that number one, I’m selfish & I’m not always going to give Whit what she wants. Number two, I can have better timing with my words and show her that I WANT to WANT to do these special things with her...like take a walk in the park. Our afternoon wrapped up by me taking a restful nap in my nest and us taking a great walk around Radnor Lake. The main step toward maturity is going to be me initiating it long before Whit even asks for it. That will be the key for her to see that I really do know her and know the things that she loves...”