Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I WANT Him To WANT To Take Me To The Park

This past Sunday was a marriage moment indeed. It had been really chilly on Saturday so when the warmth of Sunday rolled around - it was a picture perfect day for a walk in the park. We headed to church and as we were leaving, one of Brandon’s best guy friends in Nashville was sharing that he was going to take his girlfriend to the park that afternoon. On our drive home, I was genuinely thinking that Brandon was going to take the context clues of the 70 degree day, his friend speaking of the park, knowing I love the park and initiate a walk with me at the park. 
Me on the deck after church...soaking in some rays...waiting to be taken to the park!
Well, we got back to the house and after we finished lunch - he started making his palette on the couch all comfy cozy like he likes it. My blood pressure was rising a bit to think that he was going to bypass the gorgeous day outside and bee line it straight for the couch. Thinking to myself, “You’ve got to be kidding me”...I held it in. Still giving him the benefit of the doubt and hoping he was going to about face and ask me to go to the park - I kept my thoughts to myself. It was somewhere between the LSU blanket being the final touch on his cozy palette and the “Sword in the Stone” movie being turned on that I realized that the park was not in our near future. That is when I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I had to say something...
Brandon in his full-fledged nest...This is how I found him after I finished up the dishes after lunch!
In those moments of speaking up, as I am mid-sentence I often realize that I may be causing a mountain out of a mole hill at first - but it’s going to be worth it in the long run. The truth of the matter is that I WANT him to WANT to take me to the park. I want him to know that his wife loves being outside on beautiful days like this and that it would mean nothing more to me than for him to initiate an afternoon outing. Even if he would say, “Babe, after my nap, I would love to take you to the park”...!! That would mean so much! So...we spoke about the expectations that were involved, heard where each other were coming from, and were able to really get to the bottom of this. Brandon was able to admit that he’d selfishly rather sit on the couch. All in all, he was still focused on the fact that he’d worked a 60+ hour work week, had to work on Saturday, and finally was enjoying a day of rest. I was thinking about how we’d been at the house all of Saturday and how I work one minute from where we live and was ready to drive beyond the 2 mile radius of the weekly grocery store run. I wanted to be out and about on this gorgeous Nashville day, at the park with no one else but my man. 
These talks are never easy but it’s always worth it on the other side to be honest and speak up. It’s better for it to be a bit of a rocky road for a minute to lead to lessons learned and not ending up in this same spot again. By me speaking up and sharing with Brandon where I was coming from, he now has wrapped his mind around how he WANTS to be better at initiating to do things that I really enjoy doing. And this was all a bit of a reality check for me that me WANTING Brandon to WANT to take me to the park - is like him WANTING me to WANT to go play golf with him. We’re wired differently...period! 
Closing statement from the man of the house: The truth is that I don’t want to go take a walk in the park. I want to go play golf, get sweaty on the basketball court, dominate some guys, compete, and win at something! My default is to want these things but there is a part of me that truly wants to pursue my wife & take Whit for a walk in the park since this is something that means a lot to her. I learned through this that I want and need to be more proactive in communicating that I really do know her and the things she enjoys - and that I need to make it a top priority to let her see that I know those things about her.

Radnor Lake

In this marriage moment I learned that number one, I’m selfish & I’m not always going to give Whit what she wants. Number two, I can have better timing with my words and show her that I WANT to WANT to do these special things with take a walk in the park. Our afternoon wrapped up by me taking a restful nap in my nest and us taking a great walk around Radnor Lake. The main step toward maturity is going to be me initiating it long before Whit even asks for it. That will be the key for her to see that I really do know her and know the things that she loves...”

1 comment:

  1. Well, I had typed quite a response (from my phone) and as I was editing, I lost the whole thing... so I'll make this short. Ha!

    Um, I love that you blogged about this. It is such a key thing I think all marriages need to uncover! Kevin and I have had similar talks and I have learned his WANT is to enjoy me as his wife. So, as his wife, if I like the aquarium, he wants to go with me - not because he wants to go to the aquarium but because he wants to be with his wife as she enjoys what makes her happy. To me it's the same thing, but (as you mentioned) we are wired different... and that's what makes marriage such an adventure!

    Thanks again Whitney! :] Love it!